Alone
by Krackerkat
Summary: What if Alex never broke up with Paige at the mall, decided to go with Paige to Kingston, and then realized that she needed to figure out herself? Oneshot.


**I am actually going through this right now, and I thought it would make a good story. It's not a happy story for Palex. **

**Alex's POV...**

It had been almost six months since I moved with her to Kingston. I'm not saying that it has been an incredibly good move for me, but we had our moments where things had clicked and I thought that it was going to last forever. Lately, I have realized that something isn't right. I have ignored the feeling for the last three months, but it keeps eating away at me and I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to handle this. I have pulled away from her. We hardly talk anymore, we hardly do anything together anymore, and the sex life we used to have is now nonexistent. I have to do something now before I break.

The routine we have now is monotonous. It is the same thing day in and day out. She gets up and goes to class. A couple of hours later, I get up and go to work. Then after her classes are over for the day, she goes to work. I come home somewhere in between this to an empty house. I cook dinner usually for the both of us, but it will be hours later until she will get to eat it. I normally watch TV, then I go to bed as she is coming in the door. The next morning, we will do the same thing over again. Now, don't get me wrong, there are days when we have off that we actually get to spend sometime together. Most of the time thought, we are short on money and can't do anything. So, we sit at the house and watch a movie on TV or sometimes we actually do have the money to rent a movie. The lack of communication was killing our relationship and in the end, it was killing me. I would find out important details the day before, or the day of, some major event. I would have actually had some time to prepare myself for it. I had talked to her about it but it worked for about a week and then things would go back to the way they were before.

Right now, she is out of town. Some wedding of a friend of the family. I was suppose to go, but at the last moment, I decided that I shouldn't go. I would feel out of place and feel like a third wheel. That is not the way that I would like to spend my vacation. So, after she had left, I went back home. I went and visited my mother. I went and visited Marco and Ellie. They seemed so happy. Their lives were going the way that they had hoped for. I wish I felt the same way. I lied to them and said that everything was great. I loved my job and we were doing great. I know that we weren't doing very well, but I didn't want them to know that. I got my first tattoo. I have been longing for one for so long. I finally had the money and the freedom so I could get one. After realizing many things, I went back home. We had a descent place. It was a two bedroom apartment, but we got it a very good price. So, we snatched it up and didn't think another thing about it. The only problem is now that the apartment seems too small for me. I feel like I can't breath in it. I now know what I have to do, I don't want to go this way, but it is going to have to be this way for my sanity.

When she got home from her trip, I didn't want to have the conversation at that moment, but I felt like it was the right time.

"Paige, we have to talk."

"What is it, huh?" I think she realizes that something isn't right.

"While you have been gone, and I have been by myself, I have learned several things. Most of them you aren't going to like." I could see the fear in her eyes. " Paige, something hasn't been right for me these last couple of months, and I learned what it is. I haven't had a chance to figure out myself. I have been working at this dead end job for months, and if I don't watch it, I will become one of the many lifers that work there already. I want to go to college, but there isn't anyway for me to get into Banting. I think I jumped into this without thinking first. I thought it would be a good way to get away from everything back home. Start a new life with you, but now I know that I need to be by myself for a while, until I figure out everything."

"Why now?? Why not before graduation?? Before we made all of these plans?" She was in tears. It was killing me see her this way.

"I don't know. I was thinking about it the day at the mall, when you were pushing me to think about my future. The only thing that I saw in my future was you and only you. So, I went toward what I thought was my future. But now I know, there is a future for me, but I have to figure it out on my own. I have to do it on my own two feet. Without being tied down. I need the space."

"But, Alex, I can give you the space that you need. I don't know why you have to break up with me to do all of this. Honey, I will be here and support you with whatever you want to do." Paige pleaded with me.

"I know that you say that you will, but it will change over time. I have to do this alone. All of the choices I have made lately involved you and me. I forgot what it was like to make my own decisions. I can't even remember who I am. It is always an 'us' thing. If I get asked to do something, I have to say, 'I have to see what Paige is doing.' I want to feel like I have the option of the decision."

"You know you can do whatever you want, whenever you want."

"But Paige, I don't feel like I can. I feel like I would be letting you down if I did."

Paige was extremely quite. I could tell that she had many questions running through her head at the moment. I didn't really want to answer them, because I could tell that every time I opened my mouth, I broke her heart just a little bit more.

"Alex, I don't want to lose you. But if I can't have you as a lover, I want you around as a friend. I don't want you to move out."

"Well, I could move into the other bedroom. We still have six more months on the lease. I'm not going to kick you out, because I now that you can't afford it. We will have to see what happens. If when our lease is up, and we are doing alright as friends, I might stay. If not, I am going to move out. But for now, we just have to clear everything out of the other bedroom and separate everything. And I have to get a bed."

She sighed. She is taking this a lot easier than I thought she would. At least, that is how she is coming across. I know she is dying inside, because I am. I get up and walk over to her and give her a hug. She hugs me back. After several minutes, she pulls away and looks at me.

"Alex, do you think we might ever get back together? You are my heart and soul and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Not anytime soon, but I'm not counting the chance out."

She smiles at me, and right then, I knew that everything would work itself out in the end.


End file.
